She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
