can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
