I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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