butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
