I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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