A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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