dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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