goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My ass is underappreciated
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
