I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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