i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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