So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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