We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
