I wish I could teleport
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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