this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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