when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
