I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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