I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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