kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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