he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
