he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
