i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
