She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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