Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have already put on my inside pants.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
