highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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