That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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