you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
