Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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