I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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