dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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