So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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