I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
