Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
