we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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