His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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