Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is classic penis vs brain.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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