I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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