Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
