i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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