lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
