ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
