I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
