dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
