There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
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I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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