I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
