Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
