We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
