he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
