He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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