I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
