threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
