he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
