Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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