apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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