Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I checked into jail on foursquare
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
