I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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