OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
