she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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