I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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