so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
