The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
