all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
