I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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