bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize