sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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