Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Success! We fucked roommates!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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