Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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