I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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