I skipped work to stalk him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
