were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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