there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
