all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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