She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
