Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
