I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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