i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
