the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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