at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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