spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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