Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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