Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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