At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
