As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
