I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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