lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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