Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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