I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
