so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize