Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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